Would you risk it?

I've been thinking about this quote lately and what it means to me.

Would you risk it? Would you risk it for love? The things you love. The people you love. The person you love. 

What would you risk? Your sanity? Your heart? 

What should you risk? Everything.

The truth that love is worth the pain, if only to know you're one heartbreak away from happily ever after. That risking everything is everything. It might be the most maddening, heavenly, insane, magical moments of your life. Your heart might beat out of time and slower when it's over. Your mind might be a tiny bit crazy when they leave. But when you were together it was like heaven and hell all at the same time. You could fight and love with equal passion and always come out laughing. If you don't risk everything you lose everything. Everything that might just be a daydream otherwise. 

Daydreams fade. But memories, memories last a life time.

And that's what I want I guess. I want a love I know will last forever, even after its gone. I want a love that will teach me something. I want a love I can risk my heart for. 

Tree people

It's funny how you don't notice that anything has changed until you look back. Sometimes, I guess, you don't really understand why things change or who and what made it occur. It just happens. Then you hate the things you loved and you love the things you hated. But you never really know why the train of thought in the past has changed to be, now what you're thinking, well, now. That's why people are trees. We start off as small seeds harbouring all of this 'stuff' that we don't know about. Then all of these things happen, like we're water by love and hate, and we're completely unaware of it until we look back. By that time we have our first set of leaves blooming and we keep on feeling, moving, doing, until one day we look back again. There are all these leaves on branches lower that we've just left behind... Sometimes it's sad to see all those leaves behind you, so they fall and get sucked into the ground by your roots because roots are were private things are keep- things you don't want on show anymore. And sometimes that's sadder. And roots can get tangled and trip you up. That's why we grow upwards... No matter how far you fall down you know that you're already tall enough to reach the clouds when you stand back up... And that the clouds are pretty damn close to the stars. Then all you need to do it keep growing...

Dear Autumn

Dear Autumn,

I suppose you've see ,

from you falling leaves:

that I crush with reckless abandon;

to save you from the pain and misery

of someone else's feet,

that I no longer watch,

with wondering eyes

your changes transform.

That once would excite...

And for all its worth,

It's not you it's me.

And I know you've give me heartache 

since passed but,

you've always follow with something 

To believe.

But Summer has not been kind this year.

Could you hold me,

in your frost and wind?

No need to keep me warm!

Just please understand...

And Autumn,

One more thing,

Promise you'll be back in a year.

You've lost your muchness

'You used to be much more..."muchier." You've lost your muchness.' - The Mad Hatter 

Muchness- in a simple/ I can't be asked to quote all the different definitions and where they are from, so I'll make my own- is the greatness of who you are. 

Everybody has muchness. Everybody could be a little more muchier. The true beauty of muchness is staying muchier as you travel through life. And perhaps we're all destined to lose our muchness. That maybe we have to slay a jabawockey to get it back. A jabawockey, we don't think is our destiny to slay or that we just simply cannot do it. But watching Tim Burton's Alice and finding that I still have the same childish love for the Mad Hatter's reasonings in life, made me realise Alice didn't fight the jabawockey alone. So maybe, if you've lost your muchness, you haven't found you Hatter. And that's okay because everything and everyone moves in their own time. And sometimes your Hatter isn't a person. sometimes it's your cat that always listens to you. And so sometimes you are your own Hatter. 

Good luck on finding your muchness...

The essence if your spark

On a hot, crazy summer/autumn limbo middle afternoon or maybe 11:59 (not trying to be specific here) I was introduced to a wonderfully marvellous drama exercise titled MAGNIFICENCE! 

... And so the rest of the story is down hill from here...

But let it be told, I never tell a tale: I never tell a boring tale without a slightly less boring moral. 

Oh, I do wonder where this is going?!?!

Magnificence as it is so beautifully title, is an acting exercise set out to make you think about what makes you magnificent. How are the small things (that make you a little bit mad hatterish) built up into the complex star dust structure, thing, that in turn makes you, you, and by being you, makes you pretty magnificent! 

Me. I see my over the top, articulate every letter in a word, stand up straight but also dress like your a bit of a homeless hippy from the 80s as alright. But I also see (please don't make me write that out again) 'it' as a magician's apprentice born to be different and had their Hogwarts letter destroyed by Voldemort, so has to find another means of performing their magic; a novel by me. And that is pretty magnificent! (Not that I want to toot my own horn).

And so I guess that wasn't such a bad story after all... Maybe

Falling for Autumn

I confess that when August hits I'm already thinking about Halloween and bonfire night and *cough* Christmas *cough*. Yes, okay, I've been ready for Christmas since Boxing Day 2013. And now that Autumn almost actually here I do ask myself why I wait all year for my favourite season? Why do I wait for hot chocolates  as I sit on my window ledge watching the rain race down it? Why do I wait to bake using only cinnamon and pumpkin? Why do I wait for cosy fires and sweaters that are bigger enough to fit your dad? And it's simple because I'm waiting to relive all the warmth! The warmth of what? I don't quite know!! And why it's not there all year? I really don't know either. And so I've had to settle with the idea that everyone has their season of warmth and mine is Autumn!

Worry

Worry. Worried. Worrying. 

Worry less. Just stop and breathe. Have less cares. 

Wow, thanks for the advice. 

The truth is worrying is important. We all do it. Sometimes it's the little things like paying for your shopping and sometimes it's the big things like a job interview. 

But why do people feel the need to dismiss other people's worries? Because they're not as big as some else's? Because they're irrational? Urmmm, if it matters to someone that much that they worry you shouldn't dismiss it but help them! The fact that you say they should get over it does not stop the importance of that worry! Being a jerk doesn't help anyone.

And you know what; it's okay to worry! I worry, hell I have anxiety. But you know what isn't okay dismissing someone's fear and telling them to stop acting like a child. 

Okay, rant over:)) 

But seriously, worrying is fine. Worrying is normal. And worrying is human. Just don't let it stop you from doing the things you love. 

And here's a quote I like to read when things get over whelming:

1 year from now

In one year from now I will be moved out of my home town, the one I grew up in, the one I had my first love in and then my first heartbreak. And oh boy, it's bittersweet. But there's only one way forward and it's to move on, it doesn't mean you can't look back every now and then. I know I'll visit. And I know I won't forget it, only there's always something better in the distance.